Tom was a wonderful human being. He was kind, caring
and helpful to all those who sought his assistance. The
only problem was that most of us did not like to be
around Tom. Much as he tried to be a "good" person,
there was always an aura of doom and gloom around him.

It didn't matter whether he was speaking with you on
the phone or sitting across the table from you, you
just would get the feeling that the world was coming to
an end or that your life would be in a terrible mess.
Were you to spend an hour with Tom, you'd feel that all
your energy was drained out of you.

Now, mind you, as I said earlier, Tom was a caring
person. The problem was, however that Tom carried
around with him a "cloud of negativity" born of
desperation. His was definitely a desperate matter.

It didn't just stop when he got off the phone. The
emptiness in your stomach, the low energy would persist
for quite a while until you eventually forgot about
him. That is how powerful the feeling of desperation
is. It has the power to turn off the brightest light in
our lives.

Desperation broadcasts a very strong message to all
within our sphere of influence. It even goes beyond
that to people who are meeting you for the first time.
Business associates tend to shun you, partners want to
avoid you, everyone -- even little children -- feel
uncomfortable around you.

So what do you do if situations and circumstances seem
hopeless and your fears force you into desperation?
Simple, but not easy. First, try to slow your thoughts
down. You are desperate because of the incessant,
negative self-talk, which has taken over your entire
being. Slow the internal conversation down. Take a
break from whatever you're doing -- even if it's for a
few minutes.

Next, breathe deeply a few times, not any special count
like breathe in for a count of seven, hold for a count
of five and then breathe out for a count of seven. Do
that if you want, but it's not necessary. Just slow
breathing, in and out, will lower the tension in the
body, mind and spirit to a more manageable pace.

Realize that things are as they are, but can be
changed. You can change them by becoming quiet within
yourself and then listening to the feelings you have.
Ask yourself if there is anything you can do about the
problem at this moment.

You will get one of two answers. Either "yes" or "no."
If the answer is "yes," go ahead and do what you can.
If the answer is "no," then go do something else or
maybe even nothing. This simple exercise is a practice
in patience and will tune-up the mind and make it
possible for you to find creative ways for your problem
to be resolved. And it will be resolved in ways that
sometimes may seem magical.

Now, I realize it is not easy to conquer desperation
with the flip of a switch or the snap of the fingers.
Having been in the middle of it many times, I
discovered that it generally takes courage and practice
to overcome. Of course, most of us can't stop worrying
by telling ourselves not to worry.

But we can put a time limit on it. A simple trick I use
is this: I acknowledge that the situation is bad and I
say to myself, "John, this seems to be really terrible
-- really, really bad. But it may only appear that way
because you're desperate and scared right now. It's OK
to be scared for a little while. However, don't spend
all day being frightened or desperate. Take 30 minutes,
an hour, even a few hours if you like. Be as desperate
as you want for that period of time. Then drop it and
go on with other things." Just practice this whenever
you feel scared and desperate.

And Tom, what about Tom? Well, He continues to call.
He's exhausted all the time. Desperation, you see,
consumes all his energy. I tried to show him that there
is always hope, that his problems would let go of him
when he got quiet enough to loosen his grip and let go
of them. I tried to teach him to breathe slowly and to
get quiet inside. He listened, became quiet for ten
seconds and went right back to worrying.

Other friends tried to help him, but he would not let
go of his problems. I came to believe that Tom thought
he would have no purpose here on Earth if he did not
have things to worry about. I tried to tell him that it
was fine to be happy and that we did not need anything
to make us happy. But he would not let go and give
himself permission to be happy.

I imagine there's a little of Tom in all of us.
Desperation will, every once in a while (and sometimes,
more often) raise its ugly head. If we reach out and
embrace it, it would take us down. If we look through
it, we would find that we are always safe, that the
Universe is on our side and that one of the ingredients
of success is that word, "trust".

Let us trust the process of life. As has been said many
times before, "It's not the destination, it's the
journey." I wish Tom well. When he comes to himself,
slows down and really sees what's happening, he will
say, as Pogo did in the swamp, "We have met the enemy
and he is us." He would discover that it was all just a
matter of desperation.

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