Roxanne Howe-Murphy, Ed.D. Veteran Enneagram coach, teacher, author
www.lifewisecoaching.com

Do you find that you there is a particularly important area in your life that is really hard to create change around? Maybe it has to do with moving toward the yearning of your heart. Maybe it has to do with a shift in HOW you approach what you do. Maybe you're trying to force yourself into doing something that feels completely at odds with yourself, but you think you "should."

The word often associated with this experience is called 'procrasintation.' Very frequently, I hear people say, "I'm procrastinating around......." Now, if you want to really judge yourself harshly, this is a word that does it. Can you feel the condemnation that oozes from it? Ca you expeirence 'yuck' that it creates in your life? If you say this to yourself on any kind of regular basis, let me invite you to SHAKE IT OFF now.

"Procrastination" is a convenient term that conveys blame and only makes us feel worse about ourselves. Just as importatnt, it seldom gives us any valuable information about what is really going on behind or underneath the experience of 'being stalled."

One thing we know for certain: the more we judge ourselves for not living up to 'shoulds,' or for being confused, or for our current inertia around initiating or completing something of value, the less likely there will be a healthy, life-affirming outcome. Quite the reverse happens--whenever we believe we are "procrastinating," it acts just like a magnet. From the perspective of the Law of Attraction, it IS a magnet to attracting more of the same. (Just to clarify, I'm not suggesting that we would not hold appropriate standards for our behavior, or have remorse if we have intentionally or unintentioanally caused hurt. This is an area for self-reflection and forgiveness. What I am talking about is the incessant, habitual, insistent inner critic that causes unnecessary suffering in the way of self-deprecation. There's a BIG difference between these states.)

What are some alternate ways to approach the experience of feeling stalled? Here are some tips.

TIP: Procrastination is a solution!! "A solution to what???" you ask. Only you can know Your answer through your own inquiry. Here are some questions to help you:

1) Who are you doing this for? Are you trying to prove yourself to someone else or make someone else happy?
While that sometimes can be a motivator, it can also be reason for a stall. If you are not owning this situation as something important for your own health, growth, enjoyment, or evolution, then you might ask yourself why you feel you 'should' do it.. This comes up as a big issue for people dominant in certain Enneagram types (www.lifewisecoaching.com/the-enneagram-institute/ ) who take on the work of others, who try to please others, try to fix others, or make others comfortable as part of their automatic patterns. There comes a point when these patterns no longer work. If this is true for you, maybe it's time to reconsider.

2) What is it that you don't want to face that is getting in the way of gaining momentum?
Perhaps you would find that you need to confront an old myth or belief about yourself that is no longer true (perhaps it never was). Perhaps you need to have a difficult conversation? If you can identify what it is that feels threatening or too hard to face, then you have a real place to start. When this factor is not in consciousness, it can feel too overwhelming to even begin.

3) What is your level of confidence that you can actually do this?
Sometimes we don't think we can't be successful, and just that can be enough to stop us. (This may take you back to the 2nd question). What does this goal/project/situation ask of you? What inner resources can you call upon to support you in moving forward?
If this area of life is calling to you, then you have the inner strength to move forward. Don't forget that you have more external resources than you can imagine! (TIP: If you're having trouble identifying what these are, I would urge you to take the time to write out a list of all the things, people, places, experiences, environments that support you. )

4) Do you know about the law of inertia?
Most people are surprised when I share this with them. There is a very common (mis)perception that, if I want something to happen, then it "SHOULD" (always a danger sign!!) be easy. It "should" happen without much effort. Again, this is particularly true for individuals dominant in specific Enneagram types. (www.lifewisecoaching.com/enneagram-symbol-and-type-desc/) Actually, to initiate momentum, some shift in energy/or something new is needed. A mortgage lender friend of ours used to give out pens that said, "No hill too high to climb." I love that phrase. So, let's call the 1st step to initiating momentum your 1st hill to climb. In Gurdjieff work, this is called the "1st doh."
Resistance itself is usually part of the climb, so simply expect it. In other words, there is Nothing Wrong With You. Be very careful not to personalize the hill. This is just the way life works!!

5) Where are you pushing too hard?
For people dominant in specific Enneagram types, there is too great of a push. More energy is put into the project than is needed or useful. While this may not look like a 'stall,' there can be frustration that things are not working the way they 'should.' The amount of energy expended can actually smother a project.
And the final questions--

6) Is this really for me? And is the right time?
If we feel called to manifesting a particular dream, and it is 'not happening' as quickly as I would like, sometimes all we can do is put one foot in front of the other for as long as it takes. The Universe has its own rhythm, and our job is to do our own end of the work, and be ready for the Universe's response in its own time.

One last TIP: Did you notice the shift in language from "Procrastination" to the more neutral term "stalled?" I personally find that this term conveys a sense that, "yes, there is something happening here. It is 'not moving right now.' If even that is too loaded of a term for you, find another one that acknowledges the truth of the situation. That is, recognize that this situation has a deeper spiritual meaning to it. Not being able to move forward has a hidden gift that, when found, will very likely become an inner resource for you in the future.

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