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NLP & Hypnotherapy CD's Can Build Your Self-Confidence |
Written by Alan B. Densky, CH
Wednesday, 18 April 2007
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A social phobia is a fear of interacting with others on a social level. Examples would be imagining others are looking at you while waiting in line at a checkout, talking in front of other people, or even fear of talking on the phone. Self-confidence is a mentality that allows individuals to have decisive, yet realistic views of themselves and their predicament. Self-confident people have faith in their own abilities, have a general sense of control over their lives, and believe that, within reason, they will be able to do what they want to do. Self-confidence is a state of mind that is learned through experiences. When a person experiences success, that person will tend to expect to be successful. And that very expectation itself will cause a feeling of confidence. For example: A man wants to be a boxer, so he gets a manager and takes lessons. His manager will not setup a bout for him until he has built up enough skill and stamina. And even then, the manager will only put him up against an opponent that he knows his fighter can hammer. When his fighter beats the opponent, he is successful, and starts to gain confidence in his proficiency. With each combat, the manager puts his contender up against an opponent who is only a slightly better opponent then the last, but not good enough to beat his man. By the end of the third fight, the young warrior begins to expect to win his fourth, and so his confidence continues to grow. This scenario continues to repeat itself. And as long as the fighter champion continues to win, his expectations of success, and his feelings of self-confidence will continue to accrue. As another example: A young lady who is in fear of high places wants to learn to dive into a swimming pool from a very high diving board. So she finds a diving coach who asks her to dive into the pool from the first step of the ladder that is going up to the high board. The first rung of the ladder isn't awfully high, so the young lady feels confident, and she dives from that rung, and lands safely in the water. Next, the teacher has her make a jump from the second step of the ladder, and so forth. I guess that you get the picture. With each new step she takes as she climbs higher up the ladder, since the girl was able to jump without being harmed, and this next step is only slightly higher then the last, the fear factor is negligible, and the girl expects to be successful. When she dives in and is unharmed, the girl's self-confidence increases, and her expectation of success on the next step up the ladder increases. If a person who has a long history of success and feelings of confidence does fail, they still tend to expect success the next time out. Conversely, when a person who is weak in the confidence arena fails, they tend to lose confidence, and expect failure, which usually becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Having self-confidence doesn't mean that individuals will be successful at everything. People, who have true self-confidence, usually have expectations that are practical. Even when some of their expectations are not met, they continue to be confident and to accept themselves. People, who are not self-confident, tend to lean overwhelmingly on the recognition of others in order to feel self-assured. They usually don't take risks because of the fear of failure. They make light of themselves and tend to discount compliments that are offered to them. Conversely, self-confident people are willing to risk the disapproval of others because they generally have faith in their own qualifications. They tend to believe in themselves; and they do not feel that they have to conform in order to be applauded. Just because one feels self-esteem in one or more areas of their life, doesn't mean that they will feel secure in every single part of their life. For example, a person might feel self-assured about their athletic talents, but not feel confident where members of the opposite sex are involved, such as in a dating situation, or social relationships. How Is Self-confidence Initially Created? Many effective factors touch on the growth of self-esteem. Parents' attitudes are elemental to the way children view themselves, particularly when they are very young. When parents provide acceptance, children receive a solid foundation for good feelings about themselves. If one or both parents are overwhelmingly critical or demanding, or if they are overprotective and discourage moves toward independence, children may start to believe they are incapable, inadequate, or inferior. However, if parents encourage a child's moves toward self-reliance, and they are not overly critical when the child makes mistakes, the child will learn to accept herself, and will be on the way to developing self-confidence. A person can have plenty of abilities, but still lack confidence. A lack of self-esteem is often the result of concentrating much too strongly on the unrealistic expectancies of other people chiefly friends and parents. The influence of peers can be more powerful and effective than that of parents in shaping the feelings about one's self. Conclusions That Continue to Have an Influence on Confidence In response to external influences, people create assumptions. Some of these are helpful and some are not so helpful. Several assumptions that can interfere with self-confidence and better ways of thinking are: ASSUMPTION: I always have to be successful at everything. This is a totally unrealistic assumption. In the real world each person has their strengths, and their weaknesses. While it is important to do the best that one can, it is more important to learn to accept yourself as being human, and imperfect. Allow yourself to feel good about what you are good at, and accept the fact that you don't know everything and you don't need to. ASSUMPTION: I must be perfect, and loved by everyone, and satisfy everyone. Again, this assumption is a totally unrealistic assumption. All human beings are liable to error. It's much better to develop standards and values that are not dependent on the approval of others. ASSUMPTION: Everything that happened to me in the past remains in control of my feelings and behaviors in the present. ALTERNATIVE: While it is true that your confidence was especially vulnerable to external influences when you were a child as you grow into adulthood understanding and outlook on what those influences have been. In doing so, you can choose which influences you will continue to allow to have an effect on your life. You don't have to be helpless based on what happened in your past HERE ARE SOME STRATEGIES FOR DEVELOPING CONFIDENCE Emphasize Your Strengths. Grant yourself credit for everything you can do. And give yourself acknowledgment for every new adventure you are willing to test. Take risks. Adopt the attitude of: I never fail, because there are NO failures. However, sometimes I learn what doesn't work and once I've learned what doesn't work in a given situation, I can try something else. Use Self-Talk: Use self-talk as an opportunity to counter harmful assumptions. Then, tell yourself to stop. Substitute more reasonable assumptions. For example, when you catch yourself expecting yourself to be perfect, remind yourself that no one can do everything perfectly, and that it is only possible to do things to the best of your ability. This allows you to accept yourself as you are improving. Make mental movies: Visualize yourself in the scenes that you currently have inadequate levels of confidence in. But see yourself behaving in the way that a person who has tremendous self-confidence would. There are many powerful and effective NLP and hypnosis techniques that you can use to build a splendid amount of confidence from within your unconscious mind. There are even NLP techniques that will let you take confidence that you do have in areas of your life, and then transplant that confidence to areas of your life that require more confidence! Self-Evaluate: Learn to adjudge yourself as an individual human. Refrain from the perpetual sense of disturbance that comes from relying too much on the opinions of others. Want to learn more about hypnosis? Visit my free hypnosis articles library. Article Source: http://www.ArticleBlast.com |
About The Author:
Alan B. Densky, CH. has been a certified hypnotist and NLP Practitioner since 1978. His Neuro-VISION website offers a wide range of self-hypnosis CD's on many topics, as well as programs that will instill a shocking amount of confidence from within your subconscious mind.. His Self-confidence CD's were recently tested and reviewed by Personal-Development.info in England.
Alan B. Densky, CH. has been a certified hypnotist and NLP Practitioner since 1978. His Neuro-VISION website offers a wide range of self-hypnosis CD's on many topics, as well as programs that will instill a shocking amount of confidence from within your subconscious mind.. His Self-confidence CD's were recently tested and reviewed by Personal-Development.info in England.| Comments On This Article: |
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