Can you ever really know whether you've met "the one"?
Unfortunately, there isn't a foolproof dating litmus test, but you can be fairly
confident in your relationship if you notice these nine signs that are
characteristic of a really special connection between two people.
1)
You're Not Chasing the Relationship's Potential
Many people have romantic
relationships fraught with obstacles. On a basic level, the relationship is
satisfactory, but there always seems to be something standing in the way of true
happiness: a stressful job, an annoying ex, a distasteful habit. Both people
feel that once the obstacle is removed, they'll be truly content
together.
Unfortunately, relationships don't work that way. Once the
problem is resolved, another one pops up. And—surprise!—the couple is still
unhappy.
What people may not realize is that if they are waiting for
true happiness in their relationship, then they are in the wrong relationship.
Landing a better job may make life easier financially, but no amount of money
will help two people who just aren't a good fit for each other.
The truth
is a happy, well-adjusted couple doesn't have to chase what could be or should
be. A good relationship just is.
2) Who You Are Is Good Enough
You
know you've met the one when your partner loves you for who you are. We know it
sounds pretty cliché, but like all clichés, it's true. "The One's" admiration of
you is so powerful that it's almost as if he or she is awestruck by your very
presence. He takes great pride in the choices you've made. She finds you smart,
sexy, fun to be with, and so on. You never have to try to impress "The One"
because you've already done that by just being you.
3) You Manage
Conflict Well
Let's say we have two couples that have been together for
the same amount of time. Couple A fights regularly. Couple B has never argued in
the history of their relationship. Which couple do you think a relationship
counselor would say is at greater risk?
That's right: Couple B. Upon
closer examination, you'll find that someone in the relationship—perhaps both
parties—isn't being forthcoming. Someone's needs and wants aren't being voiced
and therefore aren't being addressed.
Couple A, on the other hand, makes
it a point to bring up topics that are bothersome or dissatisfying within the
relationship. This couple regularly engages in respectful, healthy
conflict—without insults or throwing things—and comes out the other side a
stronger couple that gains a deeper understanding of one another with each
conflict they resolve together. How much a couple fights isn't the issue, unless
they don't fight at all. It's how a couple manages conflicts that determines how
well the relationship works.
4) The Mundane Is Suddenly
Interesting
If you're spending time with someone who really is "The One,"
then you probably want to pay attention to even the smallest details of his or
her life. Specifics from his work interest you, stories about his childhood hold
your attention, and even old photos or home movies fascinate you.
When
this happens, then this person is likely much more to you than a ship passing in
the night.
5) There's Minimal Drama—or None at All
Like we said
above when we talked about conflict, even the healthiest relationships deal with
their share of arguments. So when we say that there's not a lot of drama in your
relationship, we don't mean that the two of you never fight.
But when you
do, you do your best to fight fair. You admit when you're wrong, you listen to
each other, you acknowledge one another's good points, and you apologize when
you cross lines. It's not that you have to be perfect, but if this person is
"The One," then you are at least trying to make your conflict work for your
relationship rather than against it.
So if you two are dealing with
constant drama, where one of you is trying to create high emotions to manipulate
the other or where there's constant turbulence without some sort of resolution,
then be careful about fully committing to the relationship at this point. High
drama is a definite red flag when it comes to long-term relationship
success.
6) Your Friends and Family See What You See
If the people
who love you the most are begging you to get away from someone, then that
person's probably not the one for you. On the other hand, if the people you
trust also see what you see in this person and encourage the relationship, then
that's a good sign that you two may belong together.
Of course, sometimes
your friends and family may choose someone for you whom you haven't chosen. They
may push for a relationship that you have no interest in pursuing. In these
cases, it's not always wise to follow their advice.
But if you're falling
in love with someone whom the people in your life want you to be with, then
there's a good chance that this may be the real deal.
7) You Know How to
Make Them Happy
When there's a deep connection between two people, they
each know what the other wants and needs. So ask yourself this question about
the person in your life: Do you know what it takes to make him or her happy?
Think about minor, moment-by-moment issues, like where that person likes to eat
and what kind of back rub he or she enjoys.
Additionally, think about
larger matters as well: Do you know how to help her relieve stress? Can you get
her to talk about her dreams and visions for the future? When she's struggling
at work or with a family issue, can you help her come through the storm and find
the sun again? And, just as important, does your partner know how to do this for
you as well? If so, that's another reason to believe that you've found "The
One."
8) You Have the Same Life Priorities
Opposites may attract,
but they rarely make for a good long-term relationship. Compatibility really is
key when it comes to creating a deep and lasting connection between two
people.
For example, if you want to begin preparing for the future and
building toward certain life and career goals, but your partner mainly wants to
make enough money so that he or she can party this weekend, then you two are
probably working with fairly different priorities.
And the opposite it is
true, too: If your priorities match up well, then you two have a much better
chance of long-term happiness and fulfillment together.
9) You Respect
the Person Deeply
Mutual respect is crucial for a healthy relationship.
Without that respect, there's simply no way to create and build a secure
foundation so that you can enjoy all of the benefits of a deep and strong
relationship.
But when you respect your partner and he or she respects
you, the relationship has a strong chance at thriving, and all the aspects of
your connection blossom. The communication improves. The commitment deepens. The
trust multiplies. The satisfaction level goes through the roof.
And that
all begins with a mutual respect that emerges because you like each other and
because you appreciate the way you live your individual lives.
So as you
try to figure out whether you've found "The One," take a look at this list. If
you can check off each of the above items, then you owe it to yourself to allow
the relationship to become all that it can possibly be.