What man hasn't gone through the heartbreak of having the perfect woman suddenly lower the boom and walk out on him? There are three steps you can take to win her back if you really want her. This is a plan that targets a woman where she's weakest - her curiosity - and can incite jealousy as well! Curiosity killed the cat, and it's going to drive her crazy as well, as she tries to determine what's going on.

The first step is easy: disappear. This means totally - if feasible, get out of town for a while. Neither she nor her friends can see or hear from you. Women who break up with men are used to having them keep trying to reconcile - sometimes it takes weeks or months for a man to understand that it's really over. Your job now is to break that mold. After a few days she'll try calling you - "Just to see if you're alright." When she can't get in touch with you, she'll contact her friends - and then yours. It's your job to prepare them, make sure they don't give her any indication of what you're up to or where you are. You've got some time on your hands now, but don't waste it. You've got to make some adjustments in your own life: try getting a new wardrobe that gives you a new look, change your hairstyle, lose some weight if needed (but if weight loss is part of your approach, don't change wardrobes until you've reached your goal!), join a gym and get into the habit of working out regularly . . . in short, perform a makeover on yourself, major or minor, it's up to you. Of course, your phone numbers have to change as well - this approach just isn't going to work if she can just hit her speed dial and talk to you. When she does start getting reports about you, they have to emphasize that you've changed, and for the better. She's got to think that you really have a new life, and that it somehow relates to your putting her behind you.

It's been some time now, adequate for you to get into better shape and effect your makeover. Time for the second stage, but remember that like the first, it's got to be carefully orchestrated to achieve the desired results. After all your hard work, it's time to relax a bit - throw a party! A small party - this is a carefully organized event consisting of a handful of friends through whom word will filter back to her of all the wonderful positive changes you've undergone. Make certain to attend to the details, though - spend some time on a tanning bed. get a manicure, dust the bookshelves - it's these little details that add up to the overall impression that'll form the basis of the reports she'll get. You've undergone some personal changes, now make some adjustments in the way you entertain. Forget the chips and dip - get some interesting exotic finger foods for your friends to nosh on, and also be sure you have enough of whatever drinks you're serving so that you don't run out. Forget about playing the standard CD's - soft and mellow should be your standard for music, preferably music you've never played for these folks before. You want people to be able to have nice talks without having to shout at each other. And this is crucial - make certain that you invite someone you're absolutely certain is going to report back to her - and make sure that person gets your new phone number to pass along!

Okay, the trap is set and baited, but you still need to lure your prey to step in. Get out a bit more, go to places you know her friends might see you. Now it's time to use her friends to help you trap her. Let them know about some of the things you've been up to, travels you've been on, etc. Imply that there's someone else in your life, but it's not really an important relationship (you don't want her friends to tell her that you've fallen in love with someone else, do you?). This will go on for a while - women can be skittish sometimes, and she might not yet really believe that you're doing better after she left than before. Don't worry - there'll come a point where she'll explode!

The time will come, finally, that you actually bump into each other. Kiss her on the cheek and keep your talk light, general things, nothing deep or personal. Be nice and polite, but don't come across as possessive. At some point, ask her if she has the same phone number and tell her you'll call sometime to get together for coffee and a chat. How you break off this encounter is crucial - how you do it will have a great deal to do with your overall success. Say goodbye (the peck on the cheek is optional), then turn and walk along, continuing about your business before you bumped into her. DON'T LOOK BACK! Pretend she isn't there!

Now let some time elapse - the impression you're trying to convey is of a more mature, more responsible person - someone with his path well-charted but who'll take the time to catch up with old friends. Then call and ask her to coffee, or perhaps lunch (never dinner!) at a nice, popular place - but not one you've eaten at together before. Your table should be out in the open, and your talk should be pretty innocuous - you should especially avoid any mention of your shared past. Discussion of any current involvement(s) - hers or yours - is also out of the question. She may be tense, thinking that now is the time you'll try to get her to take you back, so stay away from any mention of your relationship. This will relax her. Remember, you're a total gentleman - when the meal's over, escort her out, give her a friendly peck on the cheek, and promise to call her again.

Your innocuous meeting will only fill her with more curiosity - how is it that you're doing well without her, and how can you possibly sit with her and not want to talk about the relationship that she ended? She'll be dying to get more information from you, especially after being unable to get any during your luncheon meeting! You're at a perfect point now - she's ready to get back together, even if she doesn't openly admit it. Take your time now - enjoy the time together, and enjoy the lack of pressure She's so overwhelmed with curiosity that when you call again, she'll be open to pretty much whatever you suggest. Don't overdo it! Be patient - suggest maybe another lunch, or perhaps a daytime social activity like a museum visit. Patience is still your watch-word. She's taken the bait and is open to the idea of getting back together even if she won't consciously admit it. And above all, have fun!

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