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Positive Feedback - How Positive Feedback From Others Helps Parents Discover Children's Talents

Written by Michael Cerreto

Sunday, 22 June 2008

There are many people who spend time with your children during school, sports, play, and hobbies. As parents, we tend to ask the adults who teach or coach our children how to improve deficiencies such as, "How can John be better at... or improve in... or be more like...?" We have been taught to carry with us an imaginary measuring tape to determine how our children are measuring up to others.

While parents like to know about their children's successes, they spend a disproportionate amount of time talking with teachers, coaches and instructors about gaps and deficiencies. If parents discuss only performance gaps, they leave behind important opportunities to learn about their children's talents.

For instance, a nine year old girl called Amy went to a summer camp at a local YMCA. The kids swam, played games, and performed arts and crafts. Amy woke up each morning enthusiastic to get to camp to play with her friends.

When the camp ended, a counselor told Amy's mother that Amy needed to learn how to talk less with her friends when the counselors were giving instructions. This was important information for her mother because Amy was always a chatter box and needed to know when to listen. Amy's mother could have left the conversation at the "gap" level but asked one important question to the counselor, "What did you notice Amy doing well during the different activities?" The counselor said that Amy did a good job playing tennis because she was able to control the ball well for someone who never played before.

This one, simple answer lead Amy and her parents down a road that created a life-long love for tennis. After the camp, Amy's parents exposed her to tennis at a local club which motivated Amy to play with friends in a youth tennis league. Her enjoyment lead her to play in high school, local tournaments, and college. To earn extra money while in college, Amy became a certified professional tennis instructor. After graduation, Amy continues to play tennis in USTA team leagues.

Amy's example shows the ripple-effect of a parent asking a camp counselor what her daughter did well. Imagine the information you will get about your son or daughter by asking the same question to teachers, coaches, and instructors over the years. Always remember, the smallest comment about even the smallest ability can be a sign of a special gift that can be developed and enjoyed.

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