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Communicating With Teachers And Coaches - Knowing When The Parent Or Child Is Responsible

Written by Michael Cerreto

Sunday, 22 June 2008

To be an advocate for children's talent development in school, sports or the arts, parents need to be effective communicators with teachers and coaches. Because teachers and coaches have different personalities, parents may feel like they need a personalized instruction manual to communicate effectively with each one.

Unfortunately, no such manual exists, but you can take the first step to have an effective conversation by determining who is responsible for talking with the teacher or coach.

Who Is Responsible: Knowing if you or your child should communicate with a teacher or coach

When you want to discuss an issue with teachers or coaches, you need to first determine if you or your child is responsible for communicating with them. The answer to this question depends on the issue and your child's age and maturity. Some issues, such as poor performance and a teacher's perceived bias, need adult conversations. Other issues, such as getting an extension on a paper, should be handled by your child.

If you determine that your child is responsible, you will need to suggest it to him or her, but you may get the typical push back. While most children will initially resist, these moments are good for teaching self-reliance skills. A mother recently shared a story about when she told her twelve year old son that he needed to talk with a teacher about a test grade:

She said, "When I mentioned it to him, he acted like I was asking him to go to the prom with his sister. I realized that he needed help finding the right words to use. After he calmed down, I practiced with him how to ask the teacher to review the grading. This helped him realize that he could ask the right questions. So, he bravely marched to school the next day and did the unthinkable and spoke with his teacher. She changed two of the four grades and my son learned lessons about taking responsibility and talking with adults."

When you determine who is responsible for talking with a teacher or coach, you need to keep in mind that there is a natural imbalance in the relationship between the adult and child because the adult holds all of the authority cards. There are some issues that cannot be resolved within an unbalanced relationship so parents need to intercede to create a more level playing field to discus an important issue.

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