Confrontation is the norm for a lot of married couples, but then there are many who will practice avoidance. The fighting that happens in a marriage cause some to react with avoidance of their spouse. This may help for a while and bring some peace temporarily but it will not solve anything, and actually allows the problems to grow.

Fighting, of course, is not really ideal either. Usually fighting is very heated and also does not accomplish much, and while it may be okay to take some time and space to sort things out before coming to the table about them, this is difference from the complete avoidance method that some couples use. It is healthy, even necessary at times for married couples to take a few steps back to help diffuse the situation, but the key to using this as an effective marriage counseling solution is to come back and try to resolve the issue.

Continuing to avoid each other and using avoidance techniques as a solution without ever talking about the issues will cause resentments to build up over time. Then these become so big that the resolution only appears to be divorce, no one in a marriage should let this type of resentment get so big.

Most people who are trying to avoid an argument or disagreement with their spouse are merely afraid that they will hurt their spouse's feelings, however true this may be in the short term, just imagine telling them that you had an affair or want a divorce without ever letting them know that your needs aren't being met or that they are doing something that upsets you. Surely this would be worse.

It's important to try to bring out the issues to your spouse that are bubbling up, even if it seems very difficult. Maybe they don't even realize there is an issue at hand, you need to give them the opportunity to address it before making some rash decision. Most partners will do better once they do express how they feel and the partnership will improve. But whether that happens or not the spouse should have knowledge of any problems you have with them.

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